Foot and Leg

I slept not so bad last night (I had to go to the toilet ‘only’ 5 times during the night), got up at 8:30am with a headache but had a pretty productive day today. I used to morning to chase a few people on the budget, I tried to understand the intricacies of more advanced Salesforce reporting (I failed) and prepare myself for Physiotherapy. My leg was pretty sore again so the Physiotherapist did his magic on my inner thigh and Tibia that rapidly felt better. It is annoying me though that the effect does not last and I wanted to know why that was.

Remember that on the 31st of March the Physiotherapist discovered that I’m unable to control the horizontal position of my foot (in a plane passing through the standing body parallel to the floor). That is not the only problem. For some reason my foot does not want to stay flat on the floor. He explained that this has to do with a combination of different muscles and tendons (Peroneous Longes, Peroneous Brevis) that run down from the knee all the way through the right side of my right leg to my foot and the Tibialis Anterior that runs through the front of the leg. Then there are several other smaller muscles for my toes that are also involved. It is very complex. I’m however convinced that I should do something to reduce the need for physiotherapy all the time. I have an alternative for the hiking shoes: basketball shoes and I’m going to get them this weekend so I can practice a few times in the gym with my Physiotherapist.

In the afternoon a friend came by with an excellent CD (“The space between us” by Craig Armstrong), just the music I like (thanks Marcus!). He feels it is music suitable for a movie and I believe he right about that. As a matter of fact when I checked Google I found this link about Craig Armstrong that proves that he is not only a composer but also writes music for movies. I couldn’t prove that “The space between us” is movie also music. Anybody out there who can confirm that? 

A package with a beautiful Italian tie was delivered today. I was from a colleague who lives in the area of Brussels and his wife. I used to work for a while in Brussels and it was a great time. Life in Belgium is completely different from living in the Netherlands. They are a bit more formal I think but they have such a great culture. Last week the city of Antwerpen was introduced on TV (I believe that it is the second city of Belgium, right after Brussels). There are so many lovely and special restaurants there. We will have visitors over from Italy next week, I think we will take them to Restaurant Lieve (the only real Belgian restaurant in Amsterdam). I’m getting hungry again! Magda and Hendrik, thanks so much for the tie. A very special gift very appreciated!.

Spanners in the works

The Physiotherapist from the Rheumatology Institute called to make an appointment for an intake tomorrow morning at 8am. I gladly accepted that invitation. The intake will take one to two hours. I’m excited as I ‘feel’ that my Rheumatologist is right with his verdict. With the right advise and perhaps some exercises I may be able to regain part of my mobility!

During the pre-operative screening on the 28th of February I asked for the possibility to deposit my own blood (predeposited autologus blood). I received a set of forms that I didn’t quite understand. What was clear thought is that it takes about 5 weeks to deposit the right volume of blood. As the unplanned and unconfirmed date of the surgery draws nearer (second half of April) was I afraid that this could delay the date of the surgery. So I called the hospital to discuss this and found out that I’m not in their planning for the next 5 weeks! I’m so depressed! I don’t want to think that this means that the tumor is growing and perhaps turns into a tumor of a higher grade.

I was picked up from home by a friendly colleague who lives just 500m aways from me and he drove me to the office. I had to go to the office to attend a meeting with colleagues from the UK but due to the storm was their plane delayed. No meeting. Darn! I also learned that despite the fact that my manager defended my position in the Salesforce project the hijacking continues. I was upset for a while again but the decided that it was no longer my fight. I decided to no longer work for my company before surgery.

I explained this to my manager tonight when he called me and he fully agrees. He was very good at motivating me and fortunately had plenty of work to do away from the ‘professionals’ in the centre. Wait and See!

Trouble at the mill

I was updated by my one and only remaining team member today on the situation at work. He just rolled out our brand new CRM (Salesforce.com) in Latin America and North America in two weeks. Remarkable. Salesforce.com is a hosted application and they offer fantastic opportunities for companies like ours. We could (should!) adopt strategies for information and module ownership that would make us sail through otherwise complex implementations. Unless .. you have a central organisation like ours.

The company I work for is however not the topic of my Blog, neither is the work that I do or the role that I have. But for a person like me, who has spend every minute of his life on his career, is it hard to see the difference in attitude towards me (past versus present). Is it tough to see that people have started to move around me rather than me moving them. Hard to accept that I’m no longer playing a crucial role. That I no longer have a decisive vote in matters. That despite of whatever they say my role is no more than a farce. And I can’t blame anybody for it except that bloody blob in my brain.

Today I received calls and e-mail from several good friends: Marcus, Roel and Adela. Although it was not a good day did I appreciate their concern, warmth and energy. It has become hard to return the favor. My wife told me tonight that I do not listen to her when she tries to help me. I must agree; to her and others it must look like that. But I think I do listen, I just don’t remember. It is the same with everybody else: my parents, my sister and my friends. I don’t remember because I don’t pay enough attention. I will try harder my dear, I will try harder.