Splitting headache

Got up with a splitting headache this morning. Had to take two pain killers and went back to bed as the pain didn’t become less. Only several hours later it did drop to acceptable levels. I have to do something about this. It is hard to imagine that it related to the tumor, the headache sits right, the tumor should be located on the left. So I’m still convinced that is a nasty persistent sinusitis.

Despite the lingering headache still a productive day. Well, productive-ish that is. Worked a bit on “the memo” but inspiration didn’t kick in. My PC is getting slower and I’ve spend a lot of money on software utilities and programmes that, according to those that should know (PC-Active, PC-Magazine, CT, Chip), should clean the PC registry, de-clutter my memory and hard-disk and replace excessive memory using software. The result is zero (and I’m afraid it is even getting worse). Why do these wizards never give examples that make sense (in my situation)?

iPod Touch

Another example of IT trouble: a very close friend (Maurizio Calderone) gave me an iPod Touch. I’m a Microsoft user (not a Microsoft addict!) so it took me some time to get the hang of the typical Apple user interface but once I did could I juggle with iPod and iTunes like a professional. The iPod Touch is a wonderful gadget. Recently Apple started sending me e-mails about a software upgrade for the Touch. They released new applications for things like weather and stock.

I followed the instructions to the letter but the installation process could not be completed. I tried whatever I could but no reaction from the iPod. I browsed the Internet for information on the error code and found that I’m not the only one with the problem. After several days I read on Apple support website that I should try to recover the iPod from another PC. It seems to work now: iPod recovered but it only wants to connect to that PC. I just like things to work, especially when day after day your fuse is getting shorter.

Systematic Desensitization

Today we met with the Neuro-Psychologist for the second time. The first time she promised to have a word with the operator of the fMRI system that we met during the fMRI trial run and this time she gave us some feedback of that chat. She wanted to focus however on the MEG and MRI that are planned for Wednesday. I explained my fear for the MEG in detail and the lack of trust and confidence in the MEG operator. Talking and thinking about the MEG is not as hard as talking and thinking about the fMRI. I’m quite certain that I will have feelings of discomfort and fear during the MEG and MRI but I’m also rather sure that I will be able to endure these.

I believe that the Neuro-Psychologist was trying to perform a concise version of a procedure called “Systematic Desensitization” where a patient is asked to recall events that cause anxiety in imagination, and then a relaxation technique is used to dissipate the anxiety. With sufficient repetition through practice, the imagined event loses its anxiety-provoking power. At the end of training, when you actually face the real event, you will find that it too, just like the imagined event, has lost its power to make you anxious.

I think that I have used a crude version of this technique myself before and during the trial fMRI and I have decided that it makes sense to try it again. According to http://www.guidetopsychology.com/sysden.htm  this process can also be self administered. It just takes confidence, honesty and time I guess.  I don’t have much time until the formal fMRI on the 1st of February and I don’t want to postpone the fMRI as the Neuro-Psychologist suggested. It is good to know that I have that option but no thanks. I super motivated to do whatever it takes to get the tumor out of my head although this fMRI may prove to be too much. Is my desire to live strong enough to assemble all power to control my claustrophobia? I think that this is the key issue. An operator that I can trust, my wife sitting next to me and methods and procedures are important but not key.

The flu worsens

The flu has become a lot worse last night and I haven’t slept a lot due to severe headaches.  Every time I blow my nose my frontal sinuses get pressurized but as my ostia seem to be blocked is that pressure not (immediately) released. Such pain and nothing you can do about it. When landing in Rome during my recent trip to Italy I had the same problem. When lying  in bed on my back snot (nasal mucus) is slowly dripping in my throat. I hope this doesn’t happen while in the MEG and/or fMRI.

That the flu doesn’t get better probably means that I will not be going to Spain at the end of next next week with my good friend. So no golf, great food and relaxation. I write this while the rain is beating against the windows and while knowing that in Spain it will be dry and relatively warm. Who said that life is fair :-)?