I’m a Robot

Do you know the song “Robot” from Tatu? The text is something like “Ya tebya vklyuchu I poleteli, Robot Robot, V tvoem serdtse elaktronnye meteli, Poleteli  poleteli” (I will turn you on and lets fly, Robot Robot, There are electronic storms in your heart, Lets fly). That song was constant on my mind today as I was working with a friend on a new software version for a model robot made with Lego Mindstorms NXT. We didn’t use the standard GIU that Lego provides to make programming easy but a special kind of compiler. Absolutely ‘funtastic’. When I got up this morning I had severe pains in my right leg and I seriously considered to cancel my visit to my friend. Fortunately I changed my mind as we had a good time. Thanks Eric-Jan for the super day!

Today I was called again by my one and only member of staff with more upsetting news on my project. The project has clearly been hijacked, my formal role has informally been undermined and it appears that some of my colleagues whom I have never met before have a negative opinion about me. I don’t understand why their energy is focused inward whereas the real challenges can and should be found outside the company. They have started building their little empires, their fortresses of power again whereas we just had to lay off a large number of staff. I shouldn’t mind but I do. Because it is all so unnecessary. Darn! Maybe I should be more of a robot?

Trouble at the mill

I was updated by my one and only remaining team member today on the situation at work. He just rolled out our brand new CRM (Salesforce.com) in Latin America and North America in two weeks. Remarkable. Salesforce.com is a hosted application and they offer fantastic opportunities for companies like ours. We could (should!) adopt strategies for information and module ownership that would make us sail through otherwise complex implementations. Unless .. you have a central organisation like ours.

The company I work for is however not the topic of my Blog, neither is the work that I do or the role that I have. But for a person like me, who has spend every minute of his life on his career, is it hard to see the difference in attitude towards me (past versus present). Is it tough to see that people have started to move around me rather than me moving them. Hard to accept that I’m no longer playing a crucial role. That I no longer have a decisive vote in matters. That despite of whatever they say my role is no more than a farce. And I can’t blame anybody for it except that bloody blob in my brain.

Today I received calls and e-mail from several good friends: Marcus, Roel and Adela. Although it was not a good day did I appreciate their concern, warmth and energy. It has become hard to return the favor. My wife told me tonight that I do not listen to her when she tries to help me. I must agree; to her and others it must look like that. But I think I do listen, I just don’t remember. It is the same with everybody else: my parents, my sister and my friends. I don’t remember because I don’t pay enough attention. I will try harder my dear, I will try harder.

1st Working Day (at home)

My job caused us to lead quite a nomadic life since 2001. We have worked and lived in countries like the Czech Republic, Ireland, Poland and Italy.  This has resulted is an administrative mess with respect to our taxes, savings, pension and insurances. While waiting for more news from the hospital have I kept myself busy with cleaning our home, especially our administration of previous years. I also had a close look at out (digital) picture and video collection. It is amazing what I found and subsequently could throw away. 

Now that our administration and collections are in mint condition and my medical situation is rather stable have I decided to look for a new challenge: work! I agreed with my manager what I can do and under which conditions and today was supposed to be my first working day in the office. As I’m not allowed to drive did I last night check several public transport websites for the proper train-bus connection and the associated departure and arrival times.

Unfortunately I felt not well at all this morning (very tired, a sore throat and pain in my right leg) so I decided to stay at home. I have worked most of the day on the tasks given to me, called around to chase actions and have made a backup of my office laptop harddisk. I feel pretty good and will make another attempt to get to the office tomorrow.