Few words for the party in memory of Peter on 08 November 2009November 11, 2009
30 years and 5 months ago we exchanged our first letters, 25 years and 11 months ago we met each other in Japan for the 1st time. 23 years and 7 months ago we got married. Since, 8600 days we have been through thick and thin (as said in Dutch “door dik en dun”). We must have had wonderful life because I could only say: how time flies!
Peter has left me for 3 and half weeks. I always believed that I could manage to be alone because he went business trip almost every week before he became ill. But now I realized it’s very different. Before I could just call his mobile, I could reach him immediately wherever he was. Now he will never pick up his mobile anymore.
For me these 3 and half weeks is a period full of tears. Does unhappy time pass slowly? If it does I’ll become aged slowly then. Maybe it’s not too bad.
Before his departure, I asked him to let me know by sending signals if he has been freed. The signals are either let me see the wind blows through trees or let me hear birds’ singing. I got the 1st signal early morning of the next day, and I got the 2nd signal one week later. Peter did keep his promise to me.
Luckily in this country it will never be short of wind. I’m still receiving his endless signal and I can always feel he is around me, every where and every moment. Peter, can you see that I have my hair cut short. I know you won’t like it, but don’t worry, my hair grows very fast.
And our promises to each other, I also do my best to keep it: no sorrow, no worries, no fear and no regret. Sometimes it’s too difficult for me to keep it. But I order myself to live fully and happily for him because that’s what he wanted me to do.
I’m OK I just miss him very much. His smell at home is disappearing everyday but everything reminds me of him. When I went cycling I followed the route we went 8 weeks ago. 8 weeks ago (13 September) we were cycling along Sloterplas, passing by the front side of Opium. When I watched a TV program “Spoorloos” I had to think about that we watched it together before. When I was driving a car I thought that he used to drive me to every place where I wanted to go, he could drive from Amsterdam to Milan within 10 hours. I was awake in the morning and thought it’s the time he should take his medicine. When I went shopping I chose the foods he liked. He is still in the centre of my life. Eric Jan said that now I’m a nurse without a patient.
I like to thank all the friends who sent me cards, phoned me or posted comments on Peter’s blog. Those cards and comments are so warm so touched. Peter was loved by everybody and was appreciated by everybody. I was always moved to tears while reading them and I doubted whether Peter was an angel who made a short trip to our world ? My tears are just like running water from a broken tap. I lost so many tears that my sister in law Marjolijn suggested that I should eat more salt……
If anyone knows something negative about Peter, please let me know. Then I’ll be able to miss him less.